EGO RAMBLE: Bring Your Child To Work….With A Book, or iPad, or Nintendo 3DS, or Something to Entertain Them!

Children are precious little darlings. When they are occupied.

When they aren’t, you quickly mistake them for gremlins running all over your office, distracting you on an already difficult Friday because you are stretching short assignments so you won’t die of boredom.

I completely understand why parents sometimes have to bring their kids to their place of business. My mom did it once, and never again (thank you afterschool programs).

However, if you have to, at least bring a book or some kind of electronic device for them to be preoccupied with. Books may be difficult since its the summer and you will be hard-pressed to find a child (myself included back in the day) actually wanting to read if it’s not for a dreaded summer assignment. A comic book, on the other hand, is certainly a possibility (the risk of your child becoming a thirty-year old burnout counting down the days to the next Comic-Con in your basement, be damned).

How about an electronic device? Even at 21, I can easily kill five hours straight playing Pokemon or Halo or Candy Crush Saga. If you happen to have an iPad or something similar, there is nothing better in the world. With hundreds of apps available, your child will never get bored. Hell, just throw on Netflix and watch your child become a zombie watching Adventure Time or Justice League (yes, I have done it; don’t judge).

Whatever you do, please just keep them busy, because I was thisclose to cursing out this little boy for throwing a bag of Baked Lays at the back of my knee.

Did I mention that it’s a Friday and I am utterly bored?

B

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Anthony Weiner is the Hottest Mess in Politics… Again

The New York mayoral race just got a lot dirtier with revelations that candidate and serial sexter Anthony Weiner is once again involved in an extramarital online affair.

This time it was exposed by blog The Dirty, who posted very, very explicit correspondence between Weiner, going by the unintentionally hilarious screenname Carlos Danger, an some unnamed woman. I mean, besides the messages being straight-up pornographic in some cases, they also reek of desperation from a man clearly going through the mid-life crisis from hell.

To prove my point, here are the most PG messages from “Carlos”

If I met you in a bar and tried to talk to you, would I have a chance?

I’m deeply flawed.

I like to whisper to you while I make love to you. Is that okay?

I was reading your tweets and looking at your pics. So I thought I’d hold your wrists to settle you down.

Are you gagging yet (pun intended; he actually talks about gagging in another message)?

Now, Weiner has gone on television again to admit the messages are real and that he was “sorry.” So sorry that he did it again, after basically being kicked out of Congress two years ago. Despite this new scandal, he insists that he will continue his candidacy for NYC mayor. He also asked the people of New York to give him a second chance (although he really means third).

Worst of all, he brought his wife Huma with him, and she says that she loves and forgives him.

Honestly, it was funny for a minute, but Weiner (and Eliot Spitzer while we’re at it), should just hang it up. Weiner is incapable of not being a kinky manwhore (seriously, read the messages; they are a hot mess), plain and simple. His continued push for office is embarrassing for his family and the city. I’m sorry that his wife is clearly not fulfilling him sexually (not that it’s an excuse), but I cannot understand how he expects anyone to take him seriously as a politician now.

Move on, zip up your fly and do some research on how to come up with better screen names.

Carlos Danger? Child…

GTFO!

 

 

 

– B

Ego GIFs: Piplup Punches Cyndaquil OUT!

GTFO!

So guess what? I love Pokemon, and I don’t care what anyone has to say about it.

It slays. End of story, and if you are, for some inexplicable reason, pressed about it, oh well.

But that’s not the point. For this ridiculously hot Friday, just sit back and enjoy this hilarious GIF of Piplup basically Cyndaquil, “UP OUT MY FACE, BOY! I AIN’T GOT TIME FOR YOU!”

I promise you, you will at least get half of an LOL from this. If not, pshhhhh.

While you are at it, check out our new blog page to see more hilarious GIFs that P and I find through our daily trials and tribulations. If you have a particular GIF you want me to highlight, just leave a comment!

– B

Ego Videos: Doctor diagnoses woman with ‘ghetto booty’

This is sort of a ramble. I am unsure whether or not to laugh, cry or become militant because I do not tolerate sexism or racism, but this is too good to be true.

One thing is for sure though, I am feeling some type of way. 

Apparently the doctor searched the term like it’s in the King’s English dictionary or something, justifying what he said because according to his analysis the term doesn’t specify black or white women. Furthermore, he claims he wanted to make a technical term easier for the woman to understand. What is she stupid?

Really though, how is he just gonna diagnose someone with having ghetto booty? Moreover, how does one just come to the conclusion that this comment is appropriate. Telling someone they have a ghetto booty, except in extremely limited circumstances, is not a compliment. So, mmm, SMDH all day long!

That’s too much, America. That’s too much. I wish he said that to me. I wish. Because I’m crazy. I stay pressed.

-P

EGO RAMBLE: My name isn’t ‘yo’

Get ready for this ramble because I am pressed.

I am a lady. I love flattery, I love being told I am pretty when I take time to make myself so. I believe that compliments go a long way in this world and that everyone should try to give one out every day.

But let me tell you what I do not like.

I do not like when I am honked at or yelled at prejoratively because I “look fine.” I do not like being called “ma” or “sis” or “baby” or “sweetie.” Most of all, I hate being referred to as “yo.”
My pent up frustration with the world is reaching its tipping point. Way too many front to bumper accidents almost happen every day because some idiot holds up traffic to honk and stare. Mind you–I am not trying to say I am all that or anything, I am just stating reality.

My usual response is to ignore these people, mind my own business and keep on to my destination. Sometimes this works, but other times the fool has the audacity to follow me for a few steps. I usually keep walking at that point too.

But I am so pressed right now that I fear for the next poor soul who crosses me the next time.

Because if I am crossed again this is what is going to happen.

Or this.


And maybe if I am really in the mood.


Listen ya’ll. I’m crazy. Don’t hit me on the wrong day. You’ve been warned.

-P