Black Twitter is real, powerful and ready to strike if you do something really messy.
Ask Paula Deen, the Zimmerman juror who tried to land that book deal, Don Lemon, and most recently, that jackass from last night’s Catfish.
Basically, if you do something that could potentially anger the black community who speaks in 140 characters, you will be dragged by your roots across Twitter’s servers worldwide with not a single eff given.
And if you don’t have hair, then it will be even more painful, because you will be dragged by your scalp. Too bloody.
In fact, I would just buy a wig that could just be snatched.
Here are four signs that you have been targeted by Black Twitter:
Black Twitter Makes Calls For Your Social Media Information To Be Found
During last night’s Catfish, where Bryan proved to be a borderline sociopath on national television, there were people on Twitter demanding that someone in the Black Twitterverse find his Twitter or Facebook so that he could be dragged properly. For instance:
If Black Twitter hasn’t found your handle or Facebook page within minutes, consider yourself lucky. If they do, HIDE!
Black Twitter ATTACKS!
Now, Black Twitter has become infamous for attacking its targets with absolutely no room for pleasantries. Basically, the members of this community will come after you with a VENGEANCE!
The Hashtag That Will Shade You Straight to Hell!
Now if you’re lucky, you will just be dragged a couple of times and then it will be over. However, if you aren’t, and you REALLY piss off Black Twitter, chances are a hashtag will be created to cleverly embarrass you. All one needs to look as far as is #PaulasBestDishes ,the now iconic Twitter hashtag that may have singlehandedly ruined her career. Don Lemon was subjected to one as well, #DonLemonLogic, where Black Twitter proceeded to create scenarios that jived with Lemon’s purported views on racism.
Your Life Is Kind of Ruined
So you survived the onslaught of tweets that either outright snatched you bald or turned you into a laughingstock. Chances are, your life will never be the same. Your endorsements will be gone (Paula Deen), your respect in the community is up in flames (Don Lemon), your book deal is kaput (Zimmerman juror) and you will probably never ever get a boyfriend/girlfriend again (Bryan from Catfish).
So the moral is? Unless you are ready to be the laughingstock of social media (and BuzzFeed, which typically picks up Black Twitter stories and highlights them for the masses), don’t piss off Black Twitter!