EGO GIFS: PRINCE WILLIAM as RAFIKI

 Whoever made this gif is a genius and obviously read my post from yesterday because clearly they also feel like Prince George was held up like Simba was when he was born.

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EGO RAMBLE: Please give Kate Middleton a chair to sit in! She just had a BABY.

Okay, Okay, Okay Okay. *heavy breathing*
Yesterday when Kate Middelton AKA Pass That DUCHess AKA D of C presented her baby to the world like a mere 20 hours after she gave birth, I was beyond astounded. The woman pushed a bowling ball out of her lady parts after 11 hours of labor and then she stands up in WEDGES less than a day later so that nosy people can look at her baby?

Oh no no no. There are several issues with this.

  • Gravity.
    I don’t know if you’re familiar, but gravity exists. And when you’re standing vertically after pushing a bowling ball out of your lady parts that area does not take well to gravity. The discomfort and pain she must have been in I CANNOT imagine and I am completely blown away by her fortitude. Don’t you ever wonder why they ask women to REST for a few days in the hospital after birth? Yeah it’s because there is a defacto fresh wound that needs healing.
  • Her baby was like not even a day old
    My next issue has to do with the fact that Prince George was literally not even 24 hours yet before the Royal Family was showing him off like a new pony they got for Christmas. First of all, every one was screaming so gosh darn loud. That baby will probably have hearing problems. Second of all, the air is polluted. Why are they standing outside in the hot summer heat where strangers are breathing and screaming at their fresh newborn baby? Didn’t you see that baby’s face? He WAS NOT happy.

So yeah. Kate Middleton needs to take a seat. And not even in the oh-no-you-didnt- take a seat. She needs to rest. Childbirth is hard work. I know she has a duty to her country and all that jazz, but if it were up to me I would be sitting in my seat with my baby and my husband catching my bearings before I am obligated to walk outside and hold up the baby like he’s Simba and I’m Rafiki.

People need to give her a seat and then take their own.

-P

Prince George of Cambridge is Here! Why Prince Charles Should Be Out

King William? Why not?

 

Today, Kensington Palace announced that the third in line to the British throne will be named George Alexander Louis, aka His Royal Highness Prince George of Cambridge.

Queen Elizabeth II officially has four viable immediate heirs: her son Prince Charles, her two grandson Prince William, her great-grandson Prince George, and her Vegas-loving Prince Harry.

Even with the Windsor legacy well protected, Her Majesty clearly has no intention of retiring to Balmoral and hunting foxes. Nope, she is still ticking, God bless her.

Meanwhile, Prince Charles, who has seemingly been waiting to be kind forever, is getting older, quickly approaching the ripe ole age of 70 (the same age Geraldo Rivera thought it was appropriate to tweet a wrinkly shirtless photo of himself, but that’s a whole ‘nother dragging for a whole ‘nother post). Nobody really wants an old king (if they want one at all), especially one as questionable as Charles. And I doubt Charles even wants to be king at this point in his life. Hell, Princes Diana clocked that back in 1996 with her infamous Panorama interview. Of course, she was shading him to hell, but she’s probably right.

So, assuming Charles is too old and no one would really take him seriously as King, why not just pass it off to good old Wills?

Prince William is young, good-looking, intelligent, sensitive, and has a gorgeous style icon of a wife in Duchess Kate. The world was cheated out of having Diana as Queen, but having Kate as the beautiful young fashionable Queen of England would more than suffice. Plus, it’s what Diana would’ve wanted anyway.

Just to throw in some context, Queen Beatrix of the Netherlands recently abdicated from the throne to allow her son, Willem-Alexander (a healthy 46) to take the throne. I’m not suggesting Elizabeth abdicate, but I think it would just make everybody happier if Charles decided, before his mother passes, to just pass the reigns onto Prince William, launching the House of Cambridge the right way.

As I said, Diana clocked this almost 17 years ago. Check out a portion of the Panorama interview where she discusses the monarchy succession below:

– B