On Saturday, January 11, 2014 – my boyfriend of 3.5 years (my best friend for over 4) told me that he is no longer in love with me thus breaking, shattering, and completely melting my heart. Everything about him was, and is in my opinion, perfect. He made me feel beautiful, loved, amazing, funny, – all of those gentle adjectives that we use to describe someone that you love. I said I love you first, but he was the one who showed it. He called me the love of his life, the woman he wanted to marry, to have his kids – everything – and then he walked away. Just like that. No real explanation. Didn’t provide much clarity as to when all of these thoughts and dreams completely changed. One week we were happy and in love – the next week he turned his back on me and walked out of my life.
So I am devastated. I imagine that I will cry every single morning for a very long time. You see, we spent much of our 3.5 years sleeping together every single night. That’s now changing. We made decisions together, many and most of them. We moved from one city to another together. There are so many memories that play like vivid movies in my mind that I imagine will not go away anytime soon. But we will see.
My family, is also devastated. He was apart of our family. He was in the mix, he was their son-in-law, nephew-in-law, cousin, brother – everything. They hate to see me cry, they hate to see me sad, but more than that I think that they hate to see two people who were so perfect for each other walk away just like it was nothing.
So now I am trying to learn how to rewire my life, my mind, my everything. Where I was concerned and focused on one amazing, gorgeous, brilliant, amazing man for over 3.5 years of my life I am now solely focused on me and that is painfully weird. He still has my heart, my thoughts, my love and I just hope that I get enough of it back one day to hand it over to someone else if he truly doesn’t want it anymore. Right now I am lost and confused. Every minute of every day will be a struggle for some time, but ultimately I will be okay – I believe that – at least I am trying to make myself believe that.
I realize this isn’t the typical EGORICH post, and I also realize I’ve been MIA for MONTHS now. But maybe writing will bring me some peace of mind that I will be searching for in the coming hours, days, weeks and months.