Ego Ramble: Pants Sagging is Gross, And It Needs to STOP NOW PLEASE!

Sorry, black male youth of America, hipSters and others who don’t know better: sagging your pants HAS to go.

Of course, the whole issue has been brought back to the limelight bY Don Lemon, who argued that pulling up your pants is one way to combat racism.

I’ll start by saying, I don’t believe that. I’ve encountered racism before and my pants sit firmly at my waistline. 

My issue with sagging pants is not racial. One of the reasons why Justin Bieber irritates me so much is because he seems incapable of not showing us his brand of underwear. I don’t care what race you are, what age you are, what anything you are.

PULL UP YOUR PANTS!

Why?

Because it is tacky and gross.

Because I DO NOT want to see your underwear!

I will refrain from going into the historical elements of pants sagging in American culture, and just address it like this. No one, and I mean no one, wants to see your underwear. Ever. At least not in public. There is a reason why it’s underwear. It’s for under your clothes. I don’t care if you are wearing Calvin Klein, H&M, Underoos, Fruit of the Loom, Hanes, a diaper, whatever! I don’t need or want to know. If you want us to know about your fashion, tell us about the shirt you’re wearing, or the shoes, or the jeans. That’s fine. But your boxers or briefs? Nope, ain’t nobody got time for that!

I also don’t want to see the complete outline of your butt cheeks, which happens when people literally sag to the point where the waist is down to mid-thigh. I especially don’t want your butt cheeks, covered by a very thin piece of fabric, on any surface I may be sit on. I bet y’all didn’t think about that, huh? Germs? Farting? General body grossness being spread because you refuse to cover your butt?

Seriously, what’s the point of wearing pants if you’re sagging them that low? You might as well just wear your boxers as shorts and be done with it.

But don’t do that, because it’s UNDERWEAR.

Another pet peeve about sagging: people who sag AND wear belts. I mean, come on! How obnoxious can you be? If you are wearing a belt, then your pants shouldn’t be sagging, since the belt is made to keep the pants at your waist. Wearing a belt and sagging your pants is just plain ole rude, like “I don’t care about the rules of belts, I’m gonna sag anyway.” Newsflash: you’re not bucking any social norms, you’re just being an asshole.

Pants are fun. They come in many styles and shapes and designs. They deserve to be respected, not dragged down and crippled around your legs because you think sagging is cool, when it’s just really, really gross.

So, can we all just agree that sagging pants is tantamount to devil activities and, therefore, it should be stopped?

– B

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